“I don’t want to entrust my mind to someone else” – this is what a friend said to me the other day while we were discussing diets, weight gain and what was probably holding us back in our weight loss programs.
A somewhat trivial discussion you could say? Well, yes, except that it becomes a little less trivial when the discussion is held between two friends whose profession is coaching.
How is it different? Well, there are times (not all the time I can reassure you) when this kind of discussion awakens “introspection” and the washing machine, to which we have trained our brain in order to carry out our job as well as possible, is automatically turned on.
And bang! The questions flared up, whether they are silent questions or shared ones by the way:
- “How important is it for me to lose weight? “
- “What have I already started in my process? what else could I do? “
- “In fact, my pounds protect me … but from what? maybe I should go further in this analysis? go see someone? “
- “What do these pounds give me? “
Coaches as we are, we have of course come to wonder about the benefits of going to talk to someone, coach, shrink or otherwise.
This is where my friend said “Oh my, I don’t want to go see a psychologist or even get coached. I don’t want to entrust my mind to someone else right now. “
I don’t know what you think about it, but I wouldn’t like to give my mind away to someone else either. Would it be too dangerous? And what is this person going to do with it? I do not easily entrust this mind which is so precious to me. Besides, it’s MY mind, a part of me, if I entrusted it to someone else, how could I be sure he was not abusing of it?
I understand then how the process of going to see someone can be difficult and scary.
And I hear myself asking my friend “Now, if entrusting your mind to someone else seems too big of a step to take, what would you need to just open a bit of your mind for someone to come and visit it, when you choose ? “.
It’s just that, personally I would find it too difficult to “entrust” my entire mind to another person. I would prefer keeping a little control and just suggest to one or some people that I would have chosen, to come and visit parts (that I would have decided) and just for a time slot that I would have also chosen. Then these people could come back and maybe visit a little bit more and longer, or not come back at all. I would be the one to decide.
A bit like if my mind was a magnificent and immense castle whose inhabitants choose to show around a few rooms from time to time according to specific opening hours and visiting rules.
So what made me share this with you today? Because in my opinion, this is a beautiful representation of what coaching is.
Indeed, during a coaching process, the coach:
• Enters by invitation only
• Visits and doesn’t stay
• Visits only the perimeter defined and authorized
• Respects visiting hours
• Never visits alone, the owner is always present
All this to remind you, that a coach follows an ethic and a deontological code. His/her code would not allow him/her to come and squat in one of the rooms of your castle, or suddenly come to settle down with you.
His/her job is to come and visit your castle, with you, when you invite him/her, when you decide. Then he/she leaves. He/she may have left some gifts when leaving, but only gifts that will allow you to move forward and light up the rooms. And if the light becomes too strong and becomes uncomfortable, the coach will help you to dim it a little until it suits you and the natural light of the day or the moon can come back to illuminate you, without the need for a lamp to help you.
That’s why I love my job so much. What an emotion it brings, this idea of being invited to visit so many different castles, going from the small studio to the big house and helping the locals to reopen the shutters to bring in natural light.
Don’t stay in the dark, open the curtains and the shuters, natural light is so much more beautiful.